Unicorns: Natures marvels or just a horse with a party hat
over the ages, there has been many rumors and stirrings concerning these little party animals. Some stories going from beautiful white horse-like creatures with a single horn to some more outlandish beasts with the body of a deer, the tail of an ox, the hooves of a horse and a single short horn on its head. The purpose of this essay is to not only prove that the unicorn exists but that it is a player.
The unicorn is not just a north American myth but it has been spotted everywhere in the world. Some famous unicorn sightings were made by Adam in the garden of Eden at the beginning of time,Confucius multiple times between the time of 551 and 479 B.C., Alexander the Great in Asia in the 4th century, Julius Caesar in Germany during the first century and Genghis Khan in the early 1200's. Other than Confucius and Adam, everyone else has been shown over time to be stand up guys. Do you really think that they would lie about something as important as seeing a horse with a horn out of its head? neither do I.
In medieval times there was a lot of concern over unicorn horns being fakes especially knowing that unicorn horns or unihorns can cure every conceivable disease known to man including the dreaded plague. So there were a few test that would be done to prove that you had successfully ruined a unicorns day by cutting off its chick magnet. They are the following:
- The true horn, when thrown into water, sends up little bubbles. The water seems to boil, though cold, and one can hear the boiling.
- The true horn gives out a sweet odor when burned.
- Poisonous plants and animals, when brought near the true horn, burst and die.
- The true horn sweats in the presence of poison.
- The true horn is always striated, is extremely hard, very heavy, the color of boxwood, and able to save the life of a pigeon poisoned with arsenic.
- Enclose a spider in a circle drawn on the floor with an unihorn. If the horn is true the spider will not be able to cross outside of the circle and will starve to death inside it.
- Place the horn in a vessel and with it three or four live and large scorpions, keeping the vessel covered. If four hours later the scorpions are dead, or almost lifeless, the unihorn is a true one.
medical proof that the unicorn exists, the surgeon general wouldn't allow such tests to be allowed if there was no such thing as unicorns.
This final paragraph will show that unicorns are players and are drawn to women of the fair variety. During the great unicorn hunts of 1495, the traditional method of capturing a unicorn involved entrapment by a virgin. In one of his notebooks, Leonardo Da Vinci wrote "The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it."[ pretty much this all boils down to the unicorn not being able to handle its hormones and jumping on any virgin to be found where the hunters would swarm on it. Moral of the story, gentlemen- keep it in the pants.
There you have it, undebatable proof that not only the unicorn exists but also an important life lesson on safe sex and strong moral fibers. Unicorns only show themselves to the chaste and the pure of body and mind. This reason is why they have been mistaken for myths along the lines of big foot, or Nessie. Remember, just say no if you want to see an unicorn, and for the rest of us who don't have a chance.. well there is always the Loch Ness.
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this essay is to show how much of a nerd i am, and also to give a good friend of mine ideas on her own essay, sadly other than the highly sarcastic tone in this paper, most of the info was found on the internets and not made up... im totally gonna get a unicorn horn and watch a spider starve
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