So I really know how to pick em

So yah, after a week of working here I realised fairly quickly that Ive had jobs that alot of peeople seem to want. lets recap shall we?

 

First off there was mcdonalds, sure not a choice for most people but it wasnt where I worked that was fun but the context of the job that made it awesome. Firstly, all the manegers were 21 and they just didnt give a damn. When your 13 working in a place where the minimum age is 15 and your boss challenges you to a food eating contest. you take it. PLUS the occational throwing rocks off the roof at cars and fuckin up someones day by giving them meat when they cant have it. or throwing moldy cheese on your meal just brightens anyones day. ba ba ba ba ba... im loving it.

Then there was Delta Bingo. Again not your average choice I know. But hell tell me whats better than a  building where you pimp yourself out to the elderly for tips. I was working there for about 4 years and by the end of it, most LITTERALLY thought I was their grandson and what happens when granny wins at bingo? she busts out some cash for her favorite kids. I was walking out of there with about 100 bucks in tips a day.. not to mention my paycheque as well. Plus for some reason , almost every girl that worked with me there had a romantic involvement with me. I dont know what is was about me there but I reeked of sexuality and old spice. It wasn't without its downfalls tho.  Every now and then,  you got the old birds who would walk in and want more than just a coffee: they wanted a lil peace of this and would proceed to grab my delicious ass or worse fondle the junk that was clearly overwelming for them as they usually stroked out moments later. But yes that was a place of miricles. I had seen 2 people die there and a CAR come flying through a wall. if thats not awesome Im not sure what is.

Moving on to levis warehouse. This was just an all around cool summer job. I had see forklifts fighting. I slid down an industrial slide. I saw some pants that have speakers built in them and most importantly I worked with my cousin on the trucks. Just me and him So most days insted of unloading the trucks. I would dig my way to the back of the truck. hollow out the interior and take a nice 3 hour long nap while he did look out, It was a good time to be a slacker.

Now comes the unimaginable.These jobs are the most recent and also the most insane, if you have small children reading this or are prone to seizures and innate jelousy I would suggest you stop reading unless you want to rage out for the rest of the day like you have pms...no? fine then.

 

THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

This is the place where dreams are made of friends. What was there not to love about the chocolate factory. I mean unless you had diabetus yu were in heaven. I must have gone home with backbacks FULL of chocolate in my short stint there. I took so much that Im sure if i look around almost a year later I still can find some. Hell we even had an umpaloompa. She was albino, east indian and about 4'6 but damn could she sing.

CANADA POST

What can go wrong with a place that lets you have a 2 hour break if there is a bomb or something else that shoudlnt be in the country. Not to mention I felt like a damn christmas elf when I was seeing all the presents that kids would be getting. I almost stole an IPhone back when they werent even here. But of course I stopped myself because I didnt wanna be tackled from behind by a random cop. I did take some pills that make you poop tho.. dont ask me why i took em. Just so someone else couldnt I suppose. Plus all the awesome things that people dont want you to see like vibrators and anal beads the size of your head.Stem cells from a baby, a box of bullets, a live granaide,  oh and my favorite, A replica of jenna Jameson's vagina with 6 different vibration settings and a bottle of lube. That only spells good times.

and now everyone. I present to you: the mothershit

Labatt's beer factory

Sure I have only been here a week but the amount of stories I have heard from them is insane. Yesterday this dude told me how he had to get his left arm reattached because it was run over by a fork lift. That had to sting a little. There are so much people that dont give a damn. Hell its beer. NUFF SAID.

You all know what this means

Well a fun little game that me and Kimmy have enjoyed for however short has now been destroyed. That shit is UNFORGIVABLE. Its gonna go down like china town. The mission in my life now is to find the biggest lumpiest woman I can find and staple Kim's face to her.

the transgression in question was this hot ghetto mess. Woman ! Cameron doesn't wink.

 

Edit: here are a few that im cooking up, real quick test copies

 

Closer to my dreams

Well today was a productive day, but not really. Lets just agree that it was a more productive day than the other day when I spent roughly an hour photoshopping kimmy's head on skanky sluts.

 

today i set up a tour on the place. thatim gonna live in soon. I cant wait to see how that goes

It sure is scary

the amount of evil that I can achieve using Photoshop has just been alerted to me. I am loving fucking around and  I really don't think im gonna stop till I get amazing. loll first attempt. Hope you like jimmy. :D

 

the high def versions will remain on my desktop and various places on the web loll. hahah Kim I never knew how much ass you had.

 

UPDATE!:

yeah I was bored so I made more.

time taken: aprox 10 mins

                                        hahah this one looks like like your mildly retarded.

This one, im afraid your tearing off your face. No Kim don't do it

I put on my happy face

I woke up this morning, the sunshine was shining. I put on my happy face.

REALLY, I am feeling alot better. I like that i put the deadline on my emotions . It gave me time to feel what i needed to feel and at the same time not just bitch and mope around. Im at peace. Hell I even fixxed all the tiny insignificant problems  that I had with my girlfriend so I am utterly happy.

alls i need is to move out and damn ill be orgasmic.

Tired of being tired.

There was a time when I was nothing but glib. Nothing but dry witty sarcastic and assholish. That time seems to come to a close with death. I know that there are times when I will be sad, When i will remember the times that have gone by and i will be saddened but right now? I just want to live. I want to enjoy life. So Ive decided that im going to spend one last day to be sad and mourn and then Im just saying fuck it. To end this final day.  I am listing a few quotes about death that I remember or Ive snagged off the net.

 

Charlotte Perkins Gilman:

Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.

Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ernest Becker:

The irony of man's condition is that the deepest need is to be free of the anxiety of death and annihilation; but it is life itself which awakens it, and so we must shrink from being fully alive.

James F. Bymes:

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death

Isaac Asimov:

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

Robert Fulghum:

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.

Gilda Radner:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.