random title here

Well its a monday and i gotta tell you, they suck. Not like your normal i hate mondays cats but like the shitty im gonna kill everyone around you mondays. I almost got hit by a car because this guy didnt feel like waiting a feel like waiting a full five seconds to walk across the street. Some how I hope that he wraps around a tree...but you know some how survives.

 

other than that today was actually fairly decent, someone randomly complimented me at the store. it was the nice change of pace from the usual i hate you why do you look like a rapist look that i usually get haha.

Don't Question it: Just enjoy

I woke up in a surprisingly great mood. Everything seems to be going my way, even the sky is nice. started the day talking to kimmy which has pretty much become the norm for me this year. for any of you losers who actually dont know her, you should crawl from theh hole you live in, stop failing in life and check her out cuz dang shes amazing.

this journal is an ode to you kim, its also partly lyrics from songs that ive been listening to this morning since they popped up on my media player. You tell mem that im suetimes moody and i tell you to shut up. im really surprised that you dont get fed up,I guess uts cuz you know the right side of me, the side not many see, you know exactly who i can be. i guess that why when we talk i get so happy. You know the right side of me.

 

I guess this is my Cammy way of saying that i appreciate you and am happy to have such a great person in my life, you know... without actually telling you to your face haha.

Take it to the floor cuz you got served

I do love how most my my titles have nothing to do with the actual post but hey what you gonna do. Im not exactly typical. Im just cam.

 

There are a few things on my mind in this little rant today, forcibly written out because kim my dear, is making me haha. Im gonna talk about my art first. I am really going through alot thinking about it latly, Im looking at people ahead of me that should have been behind wondering if i should even be in the business but i know that this is all i ever want to do and its all i am good at so I dont really care about the destination so long as I have fun on the journey.

Secondly, I am writing this to be perfectly honest to everyone. I am the typical lovable character. I can turn on the charm and mix in with everyone, I can be the jokester that makes you laugh and lightens the mood when there is major tension. But im also just Cam, sometimes I dont want to be laid back and relaxed sometimes i want to bitch and moan and swear like everyone else.

I really do doubt if there are much people who can say they know all of me, good and bad. Kim you are one of them, some weird thing inside the both of us makes it so that i feel comfortable with you. maybe thats how it is with everyone born on feb 10th orrr maybe not. Either way, im glad i stalked you online and eventually got your msn and have the pleasure of stalking you 24 hours a day. lol i was gonna say something sappy like you complete me from jerry maguire. but then i thought of Tom Cruise, screaming show me the money and I laughed out loud. MOMENT LOST haha 

The week after I fell off the face of the earth

Well now that I am 22 i tend to see things in a different light, Its constantly snowing and it isnt helping my motivation to get what little spare change i can get out of my job. I skipped it agqain. sure i had a migraine but it was one of those that i knew would pass, I could feel it. oh well.

I have been having chats with this person and that, about my future. Even a fortune cookie i got from mandarin told me a little bit about my life and the life of my family that was very true. But i am having trouble figuring out how i want tospend the following year. I dont thnk my abilities are enough to keep me happy in shrdan but at the same time if i spemd the next year getting better and working or whatever im also thinking as though im letting everyone down who believed  in me. Im so confused at the moment.

 

I have also started a new no beef diet, It was originally no meat diet but that proved far to dificult as canerib us a carnivore,  then it was no fried foods, but that was ended quickly when i accidently ate a bag of chicps then realised. So im starting things off gradually, my goal is to have no meat at all for a month. I did it once so i know it is possible.

Disgusting way to be alive

I was sitting down thinking that we celebrate the anniversary of us tearing through the wombs of our mothers and getting slapped on the ass by a old doc. How sick is that.

That being said, I have celebrated it 22 times and while this is no 21. ( I walked in on a family birthday party that had been ongoing for hours before I was invited...and they ate half my birthday cake.) this day started off surprisingly well.. and I got to find out who my friends are.

Apparently I was suppose to have this mega shindig where 50+ were suppose to show up but that would have been quite insane, instead 5 showed at the club, 2 guys and 3 girls, and to be perfectly honest. I had a great time with the smaller group.

I also found out that I am a lightweight or something when I get drunk. I mean I handled all the shots and everything people kept getting me, but somehow by the end of the night. I had figured that the club was shooting flames onto everyone and the only way to stay alive was to take off your shirt... so that's what I did... I didnt wanna get killed on my birthday.

 

As for the remainder of my birthday. I am hoping to have a nice quiet dinner at mandarin with my MOM, DAD, and the rest of the fam, the reason why this is a big deal is that my mom and dad haven't been able to talk on the phone for years but my mom suddenly wants to fix things. Im gonna guess my dad gets a fork in the eye and mom catches a dropkick.ah memories :)

I wanna engage you ..

I wanna engage you by putting a solitaire diamond on your mind and marrying your every thought.

I was bitching how the "nice guy " usually gets the shaft when I stumbled upon Gemineye, an amazing poet who isn't talking about sex, blunts, or 40's but rather everything else that is beyond the pure instant gratification. Something about his words hit me because they are the things that I would like to say .. just that I don't have the capacity to say them the way he does.

Buried under the snow

Someone needs to find my motivation and confidence, I think I dropped it somewhere,, maybe when I was walking home. Something inside me keeps reverting back to the bitchy mean Cameron that likes to berate and otherwise humiliate someone using wise witted remarks bent on destroying all those around me.

there is so much that I hate in this world and one of them happen to be all the girls who bitch about the fact that there are no good men left in the world when they are sitting in relationships with guys that are woman beaters or have been in jail with 12 babies mommas. I love the fact that as a generally decent man I seem to have developed the superhuman ability of invisibility when it comes to relationships. It would seem apparent that nice guys do indeed finish last in this  society.

I also hate the people who activly try to proove that my life is missing that little bit of substance simply because i dont drive a car. I actually enjoy slowing life down and  viewing people in such finite slices of thier days. I enjoy meeting new people and listening to thier stories unless of couse im not in the mood to speak with the drunk and the disorderly. so for heaven's sake. get the hell away from me you gassoline guzzerling, death cab pushing assholes and stop trying to make me the but of your jokes by saying things like "oh well your sister who is SIXTEEN by the way  is studyin for her g1. wont it bee so funny if she gets it before you?" fuck off

Peoples misconceptions are often commical in the fact that i cant always shrugg hem off, In fact looking at my face would show you the look of a dignified, intelligent , passionate young black man who is often misconstrued to fit into one of three catagories: A man who does weed, a man who sells weed or lastly an ignorent bum. To be honest i can see why people would assume the first to seeing as my eyes arnt as white as yours or the fact that because i have neeeded glasses all my life causes me to be sensitive to light and i am unable to open them for long periods of time without getting fatigued or a headache but the funny thing is that i have never even once tried the herb remembering the pride I felt as i made it out of highschool a drug free, childless graduate. But to be called a bum simply because of the cloths that i wear? now that is truely insane for i do believe that a man is judged on the color of his character much more than the color of his sean john.

I even did an experiment when i was down town with my dad. I wore my normal attire, not bummy but nowhere near fresh and walked into a rather upscale store which i wont name and the first thing the guy who was greeting everyone said to me was we dont except credit cards or cheques, although one quick glance told me from the sign that they did indeed accept credit cards. I guess just MY credit was void. My dad taught me something that day that it didnt matter what you had to say if noone could get past the initial image to let you say it. I went in 2 days later wearing a suit and acted like i belonged there and wasnt at all surprised to see that the same rude ass greeter showed me around, helped me choose which cloths suited my style and was all too helpful to bend down and kiss my ass. When i had gotten to the cashier I was pleased to see that the manager was there and i proceeded to explain to him my dissatifaction of the service from the greeter some lies some not, and payed for my things and left with a smile on my face.

 

Long story short, i am in a very bitter mood and everything seems to be botherin me, Please dont read the large ass paragraph. as it essentially contains more bitching.

You call it writer's block but you stop 'cause the vine is empty

 

Hip hop's not dead, its really the mind of the emcee. I woke up at 9 and ran out the door in a fluster. huff huff, my breath was ragged as I traversed the harsh world as the snow pelted on my back. My destination? Sheridan collage in Oakville.

It would seem as though I wasnt destined to make it to oakville as every five steps I would get the sudden urge to turn around and go home. Pehapse it was the numbing cold, or the fact that i had the feeling I had forgotten something, but for one reason or another I kept thinking i should go back but nevertheless I got on the bus, payed my fare and snuggled in ready for a long ride to South common mall and from there sheridan collage.

The trip was dull. I entertained myself with scenes from superbad, the hillariously akward movie. Still chuckling to myself as the movie came to a close the driver yelled to get off and at once i was hurled back into the harsh unknown, left to battle the elements.  Would i survive? the snow now atleast five centmeters high and the temperatire getting lower by the minute I saw it, the bus i needed. When it pulled up in front of me I smiled and hopped on. I received a warm greeting from her and was told that sheridan collage was closed..... DENIED