2009- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

With '08 comming to a much appreciated close, I am left wondering where did all the time go. 07 just came and went and i had a huge list of things that i was suppost to achieve. Now instead of finishing all, I am left with very few compleated and a lot of empty promises. This year im going to make things simple. Heres my list of shit for 2009: 1. Pay off my bills. (im working on that) 2. Get my licence. 3. Get a car. 4. Buy a tablet ( for my arts and whatnot) 5. Move out. 6. Attempt to really be happy again. everything seems doable other than the last. thats going to take some work. damn ill get on it then. happy holidays everyone and i wish you all the best in the new year specially you kimmay

thought process

Cameron, regardless of what you think, you cant make someone love you by giving unconditional love. Cameron even if you do end up getting that person to love you on the same level that you love sometimes shit fucks you over and you have to deal Cameron sometimes you have to adapt or die. Whats the choice?

just a recap

well its almost the end of the year and i just wanted to check the past year for all of its good and bads, lets take a look down memory lane. Remember last year when i was young and had all these ideals and things was good? Yah that was awesome.

The guide for 2008

 

2008 Resolutions:

HEALTH & FITNESS

1. Try to eat more fruits, seeing as I only really like green apples and green grapes this could be hard.
2. Eat more steak, but less bloody hunks of meat
3. Exercise at least 3 times a week ... and actually stay motivated
4. wow, kfc has to go.
5. Pop is not a substitute for water.
6. Candy will not have a hold on me any longer. I am free.
7. Try and eat something new each month
8. Use the school gym at least once
9. Lose 20 pounds of fat....or whatever gets me looking sexy
10. Drink more water

FINANCES

11. Clear all bills

12. Save at least $5000

13. Look into rsps

14. Create a budget

PURCHASES

15. Buy a tablet for digi art

16. Finally get some new clothes

17. Move myself out into my own place

18. Buy a computer desk for my room

19. Sell everything I own to beable to afford a PS3

SOCIAL

20. Become more outgoing

21. Compliment a stranger just because it feels nice.

22. Go out on a movie date and watch 3 movies inna row (5 if its a morning date--hah I like to one up.

23. Meet an online friend.

24. Have a real meaningful steady relationship

25. Say what is on my mind insted of just thinking it.

EDUCATION/KNOWLEDGE

26. Get into animation

27. Work as hard as I can

28. Read more books

29. Get more involved at school

30. Watch more documentaries

31. Stop sleeping at school as much and actually go home.

PERSONAL

32. Relearn how to play my guitar

33. Do something crazy

34. Actually go to a bar

35. Make creative handmade gifts

36. Stay up all night with someone I care about

37. Learn to drive

38. make 365 peices of art

39. Make sure that Kimmy's year is alot better than 2007

-not sure if i managed to help but shes happier and im proud of her

40. Go on a road trip

41. Do something that makes me happy everyday

42. Stop swearing as much as i do.
43. Be genuinely happy

soo looks like ive done somethings but essentially yah... ive done fuck all.cool beans

Annd im back

there isn't enough space on the Internet for me to bitch about my problems so im just going to suck it up and move on. Im now in my newer place, and that's filled with pure shit, but I forced myself to get the internet back since noone has even thought about it since I quote " fuck that, your not getting the net back because noone's paying it. "

I spent 5 hours on the phone with a cock of a man who wrote my name wrong and also put down the wrong door number. After things being cancelled and re submitted, and a lot of day light hours gone, I FINALLY got the dispatcher to change the 2 to a 3. OH SHI- sooo im looking at a hefty bill next month seeing as they messed up and got my door number wrong, Its understandable considering I live in a shack

 

Im doing my own thang, working at the xbox place and fulfilling the life goals I set for myself, step one is complete and the second is on its way, maybe then I can attain some peace, Im tired of typing all self righteously so who knows looks like its time to close,

PAYCE mofos- also im proud of kimmy for getting that awesomeness

The most important thing in life is to see to it that you are never beaten

So ive recently come to the conclusion that I cant save anyone. If you have been reading this shit for long, you would see that its a trend of mine to play the superhero role and save everyone I possibly can and then bitch my dick off when things go wrong.

Recently shit has hit the proverbial fan and ive been in a deep depression. Things have been going bad from the get go, and 08 was suppose to be the year of great things, I should have been moving on up like Kimberly has, Im so proud of you by the way. More on that soon.

After a pretty bad breakdown which led to me walking around randomly in the dead of night and falling asleep on a park bench while talking to my dad, I went back home and decided. Enough is most certainly enough. I wrote out a plan and I am going to stick to it. On Tuesday I wrote out the plan as follows:

1. Get a job

2.Pay off bills by Jan 1

3.Get licence by Jan 15

4.get use car by Feb 28

5.Move out on my own by Sept 1

 

as of today ive achieved one of five. I got a job working at the xbox games distribution centre. Fun stuff considering my love of games. Here's to the beginning of all my plans into fruition.

If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.

This year of '08 has been wonderful for some and shitty for others, I'm not here to bitch and moan about my hardships when others don't have feet.  I will say this, I realized that I cant be everything to everyone ever. I try an give and I cant do it, but yet I wouldn be satisfied doing anything else, So I am at an impasse. I don't have any idea as to what I should be doing. I cant be happy one way or the other and to use a brighter phrase up Shit creek with shitty paddles. I'm taking baby steps to becoming a man. I'm still trying to fix everyone but now im also going to include myself in the everyone facility. there are a few steps that need to be done in order for me to be on the way to being fit for living.They are paying off my bills, getting a car and moving out. These 3 things simple as they may are essential for me becoming a self sufficient man. I will do this.

 

side note: I spoke with a friend of mine who consisted to asking me a series of nonsensical questions and from the answers she got every nook and cranny of my personality including my foibles like hiding under the shroud of laughter, It was unnerving to have all my armour exposed like that but it also felt pretty nice. I think ill continue talking to her for a little while longer, sure I don't get any pills but still she's cheaper than a shrink

Life must be on the rag

I say this because Im pretty sure I said the same thing and mother life has now decided to destroy me. life is fun that way, Pms is a fearful thing, yay God

I would rather fail at something I love, than be a success at something I hate

This was one of those unconventional days where everything that wouldn't bother you at all just seemed to pile on top of you like a large amount of barbells.

I am not sure what it was about this week, but damn was it hell. Inconsequential things, baby things. Things that I would laugh at in any other regard had me blubbering like a bitch. Hell I even spent 17 hours listening to one song over and over again typing constantly to clear my mind. If I had been in the mood to type out a novel, y'all would have been in for a treat, you would have had my autobiography, my cookbook, my love memoirs and maybe even an art book or two.

oh yes and my external HD fell and now is damaged in ways I cant repair on my own, so that means: ALL my photos, including family photos and images of Trinidad may be lost for good

my games are gone.. what am I suppose to do without my Sims?

 

and lastly and more importantly. My movies are gone. All 100 gigs or so. That means ALL my Disney movies are gone. Shit is gonna be intense for a lil while, Tread with caution.

Random art on my art blog... Gadzukes

 

REALLY really didnt want to post this here because I was ashamed of the shit of it, but looking at it for a while made me ignore the things i hate like the hair which i tried to compensate for by putting hair under, and looking at the good, like the improvement on skin. Its a slow journey and im happy with my progress. Plus everything i do is done with the mouse so thats something.

So you had a bad day

Where is the moment we needed the most?

You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

You tell me your blue skies fade to grey,

you tell me your passions gone away,

and i dont need no carryin' on

 

Cuz I had a bad day. I had a bad day

I was brought up to believe that how I saw myself was more important than how others saw me.

So today is the turkey day, when you know all the Indians came from India with turkeys and gave thanks to the white man. Millions of years of tradition has come and gone and now we give thanks for everything that we are thankful for,, or at least that's the general idea.

 

things went generally well, but certain things got on my nerves. One of them are overly flashy relatives. Ones who dress up to see family and act as though the are better than you are because they are dressed up. Not only are you a tool but rather a whole toolbox

I dream, therefore I become.

Sucks, since I've only had 2 dreams in my life. One was a reoccurring  one that involved everyone I knew running around a school getting mauled by tigers and zombies and in the end of it, my brother, my cousin and me were the only ones who were left, my brother got caught in a room when we all ran and my cousin ran. I always woke up before I died tho so that was fun.

the other one was an awkward sex dream that noone needs to hear about.

------------------------------------------------

 

so what good is sleep  when one doesn't dream.  I normally spend as much time as can awake, the best time of the day is in the night, plus if you never sleep, then you never get old. atleast that's what I think and anyone else who thinks differently  is not only a tool but a giant tool box.

The nerd in me

 

Unicorns: Natures marvels or just a horse with a party hat

 

over the ages, there has been many rumors and stirrings concerning these little party animals. Some stories going from beautiful white horse-like creatures with a single horn to some more outlandish beasts with the body of a deer, the tail of an ox, the hooves of a horse and a single short horn on its head. The purpose of this essay is to not only prove that the unicorn exists but that it is a player.

 

The unicorn is not just a north American myth but it has been spotted everywhere in the world. Some famous unicorn sightings were made by Adam in the garden of Eden at the beginning of time,Confucius multiple times between the time of 551 and 479 B.C., Alexander the Great in Asia in the 4th century, Julius Caesar in Germany during the first century and Genghis Khan in the early 1200's. Other than Confucius and Adam, everyone else has been shown over time to be stand up guys. Do you really think that they would lie about something as important as seeing a horse with a horn out of its head? neither do I.

 

In medieval times there was a lot of concern over unicorn horns being fakes especially knowing that unicorn horns or unihorns can cure every conceivable disease known to man including the dreaded plague. So there were a few test that would be done to prove that you had successfully ruined a unicorns day by cutting off its chick magnet. They are the following:

• The true horn, when thrown into water, sends up little bubbles. The water seems to boil, though cold, and one can hear the boiling.
• The true horn gives out a sweet odor when burned.
• Poisonous plants and animals, when brought near the true horn, burst and die.
• The true horn sweats in the presence of poison.
• The true horn is always striated, is extremely hard, very heavy, the color of boxwood, and able to save the life of a pigeon poisoned with arsenic.
• Enclose a spider in a circle drawn on the floor with an unihorn. If the horn is true the spider will not be able to cross outside of the circle and will starve to death inside it.
• Place the horn in a vessel and with it three or four live and large scorpions, keeping the vessel covered. If four hours later the scorpions are dead, or almost lifeless, the unihorn is a true one.

medical proof that the unicorn exists, the surgeon general wouldn't allow such tests to be allowed if there was no such thing as unicorns.

 

This final paragraph will show that unicorns are players and are drawn to women of the fair variety. During the great unicorn hunts of 1495, the traditional method of capturing a unicorn involved entrapment by a virgin. In one of his notebooks, Leonardo Da Vinci wrote "The unicorn, through its intemperance and not knowing how to control itself, for the love it bears to fair maidens forgets its ferocity and wildness; and laying aside all fear it will go up to a seated damsel and go to sleep in her lap, and thus the hunters take it."^[ pretty much this all boils down to the unicorn not being able to handle its hormones and jumping on any virgin to be found where the hunters would swarm on it. Moral of the story, gentlemen- keep it in the pants.

 

There you have it, undebatable proof that not only the unicorn exists but also an important life lesson on safe sex and strong moral fibers. Unicorns only show themselves to the chaste and the pure of body and mind. This reason is why they have been mistaken for myths along the lines of big foot, or Nessie. Remember, just say no if you want to see an unicorn, and for the rest of us who don't have a chance.. well there is always the Loch Ness.

                                                                                         

 

 

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this essay is to show how much of a nerd i am, and also to give a good friend of mine ideas on her own essay, sadly other than the highly sarcastic tone in this paper, most of the info was found on the internets and not made up... im totally gonna get a unicorn horn and watch a spider starve

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.

Dont you simply love it when you havent spoken with a person for a really long time and they come up out of the blue to fill your day with a little bit of good word? I had a day like that last night when a buddy of mine spoke with me about how hes moving to oshawa in a month, this then proceeded to be a talk about relationships, school, life and any other philosophical idea that came to mind. Its funny how sometimes all you need is a different perspective on life to make yours just a little bit better.

life is never as magical as they make it out to be

So ive been spending my days lost in the world of D*sney, watching countless movies from my childhood,ignoring all the problems I have in my life, and im just wondering what life would be like if I met a alien or if i was a talking car, life would be just awesome like that. But c'est la vie. Life has not been going the way it should in the 08. Had the heart damaged, was almost homeless and am livin at home with my momma for another indefinate period of time, dont have a job and on top of that. loosing my drive to apply for school, things just look peachy and yet I cant help lettin a little smile slip out. All Disney movies always have a good ending at the end of it all.

Happiness isn't always ruined by reality

My back has been hurting since Friday morning. I think I did something funny with my trapezius muscle and now I'm all uncomfortable and such.
I've been so lazy and pantless this weekend. lol It's 3 and I'm just now starting my homework. Good thing I have a late class nothing to do tomorrow.
I need to find a way to minimize the amount I spend on food at school home. The lunches are way too overpriced and I'm not doing myself any favours by buying it 2 sometimes 3/5 days a week.
My cold has now progressed to a drippy nose and headaches. Great. At least now I have DONT a new fluffy pillows to sleep on when I need to pass out.

Infinitely balancing on a knife

ok so im pretty much writing this on my psp as I wait for the bus and I'm not happy about the day that's about to unfold, There can either be one very good ending to this, or else everyone dies. Yes even you reading this Kimberly.

So as  everyone knows, I have been tryin to move out since forever, and I was suppose to move out last month but the land lady gave away my place THE DAY we were going to pay her.Ball a thousand times. So during this month I have been frantically tryin to set up everything so we could move at the end of the month, I quit my job so I could be more hands on in my roommates pursuing of the cash but let me tell you how this man is just loafting. Its a constant struggle to get everything ready. I'm on my way to go to Oakville cuz he said he will have everything finalized by today. I'm going there partly to get wasted in celebration if he does miraculously pull this out of his ass, but mostly to flying uppercut him in the slightly less miraculous case that he fails, and something "outside" of his power screws us over once again.

here's the kicker, in an effort to motivate him. I set up a bet stating that if he fails, this man who is slightly taller than me and afraid of embarrassment, will be wearing a dress in school equipped with eyeliner and blush, That will be a sight to see, and God yes.. there will be pictures.

Im back bitches

Im back after a little hiatus. The past is the past and we cant dwell on them so without further ado I give you the best drink I have ever seen in my life. Its called DRANK yes drank.

 

http://www.drankbeverage.com/

essentially its the best drink ever is what it is, its not an energy drink but rather an anti energy drink ment to mellow you down. With its overly racist labeling ( big purple drink with a black guy on the label) and its awesome motto, slow your roll. It makes me want to commit felonies and wear grillz while smokin' a blunt.

everyone begin to grip and sip yo DRANK

So I really know how to pick em

So yah, after a week of working here I realised fairly quickly that Ive had jobs that alot of peeople seem to want. lets recap shall we?

 

First off there was mcdonalds, sure not a choice for most people but it wasnt where I worked that was fun but the context of the job that made it awesome. Firstly, all the manegers were 21 and they just didnt give a damn. When your 13 working in a place where the minimum age is 15 and your boss challenges you to a food eating contest. you take it. PLUS the occational throwing rocks off the roof at cars and fuckin up someones day by giving them meat when they cant have it. or throwing moldy cheese on your meal just brightens anyones day. ba ba ba ba ba... im loving it.

Then there was Delta Bingo. Again not your average choice I know. But hell tell me whats better than a  building where you pimp yourself out to the elderly for tips. I was working there for about 4 years and by the end of it, most LITTERALLY thought I was their grandson and what happens when granny wins at bingo? she busts out some cash for her favorite kids. I was walking out of there with about 100 bucks in tips a day.. not to mention my paycheque as well. Plus for some reason , almost every girl that worked with me there had a romantic involvement with me. I dont know what is was about me there but I reeked of sexuality and old spice. It wasn't without its downfalls tho.  Every now and then,  you got the old birds who would walk in and want more than just a coffee: they wanted a lil peace of this and would proceed to grab my delicious ass or worse fondle the junk that was clearly overwelming for them as they usually stroked out moments later. But yes that was a place of miricles. I had seen 2 people die there and a CAR come flying through a wall. if thats not awesome Im not sure what is.

Moving on to levis warehouse. This was just an all around cool summer job. I had see forklifts fighting. I slid down an industrial slide. I saw some pants that have speakers built in them and most importantly I worked with my cousin on the trucks. Just me and him So most days insted of unloading the trucks. I would dig my way to the back of the truck. hollow out the interior and take a nice 3 hour long nap while he did look out, It was a good time to be a slacker.

Now comes the unimaginable.These jobs are the most recent and also the most insane, if you have small children reading this or are prone to seizures and innate jelousy I would suggest you stop reading unless you want to rage out for the rest of the day like you have pms...no? fine then.

 

THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

This is the place where dreams are made of friends. What was there not to love about the chocolate factory. I mean unless you had diabetus yu were in heaven. I must have gone home with backbacks FULL of chocolate in my short stint there. I took so much that Im sure if i look around almost a year later I still can find some. Hell we even had an umpaloompa. She was albino, east indian and about 4'6 but damn could she sing.

CANADA POST

What can go wrong with a place that lets you have a 2 hour break if there is a bomb or something else that shoudlnt be in the country. Not to mention I felt like a damn christmas elf when I was seeing all the presents that kids would be getting. I almost stole an IPhone back when they werent even here. But of course I stopped myself because I didnt wanna be tackled from behind by a random cop. I did take some pills that make you poop tho.. dont ask me why i took em. Just so someone else couldnt I suppose. Plus all the awesome things that people dont want you to see like vibrators and anal beads the size of your head.Stem cells from a baby, a box of bullets, a live granaide,  oh and my favorite, A replica of jenna Jameson's vagina with 6 different vibration settings and a bottle of lube. That only spells good times.

and now everyone. I present to you: the mothershit

Labatt's beer factory

Sure I have only been here a week but the amount of stories I have heard from them is insane. Yesterday this dude told me how he had to get his left arm reattached because it was run over by a fork lift. That had to sting a little. There are so much people that dont give a damn. Hell its beer. NUFF SAID.

You all know what this means

Well a fun little game that me and Kimmy have enjoyed for however short has now been destroyed. That shit is UNFORGIVABLE. Its gonna go down like china town. The mission in my life now is to find the biggest lumpiest woman I can find and staple Kim's face to her.

the transgression in question was this hot ghetto mess. Woman ! Cameron doesn't wink.

 

Edit: here are a few that im cooking up, real quick test copies

 

Closer to my dreams

Well today was a productive day, but not really. Lets just agree that it was a more productive day than the other day when I spent roughly an hour photoshopping kimmy's head on skanky sluts.

 

today i set up a tour on the place. thatim gonna live in soon. I cant wait to see how that goes

It sure is scary

the amount of evil that I can achieve using Photoshop has just been alerted to me. I am loving fucking around and  I really don't think im gonna stop till I get amazing. loll first attempt. Hope you like jimmy. :D

 

the high def versions will remain on my desktop and various places on the web loll. hahah Kim I never knew how much ass you had.

 

UPDATE!:

yeah I was bored so I made more.

time taken: aprox 10 mins

                                        hahah this one looks like like your mildly retarded.

This one, im afraid your tearing off your face. No Kim don't do it

I put on my happy face

I woke up this morning, the sunshine was shining. I put on my happy face.

REALLY, I am feeling alot better. I like that i put the deadline on my emotions . It gave me time to feel what i needed to feel and at the same time not just bitch and mope around. Im at peace. Hell I even fixxed all the tiny insignificant problems  that I had with my girlfriend so I am utterly happy.

alls i need is to move out and damn ill be orgasmic.

Tired of being tired.

There was a time when I was nothing but glib. Nothing but dry witty sarcastic and assholish. That time seems to come to a close with death. I know that there are times when I will be sad, When i will remember the times that have gone by and i will be saddened but right now? I just want to live. I want to enjoy life. So Ive decided that im going to spend one last day to be sad and mourn and then Im just saying fuck it. To end this final day.  I am listing a few quotes about death that I remember or Ive snagged off the net.

 

Charlotte Perkins Gilman:

Death? Why this fuss about death. Use your imagination, try to visualize a world without death! ... Death is the essential condition of life, not an evil.

Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ernest Becker:

The irony of man's condition is that the deepest need is to be free of the anxiety of death and annihilation; but it is life itself which awakens it, and so we must shrink from being fully alive.

James F. Bymes:

Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death

Isaac Asimov:

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

Robert Fulghum:

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.

Gilda Radner:

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity.

No facades no humor, just me

You should never wait to say something to someone, anyone. Because even if you dont really care, the moment they slip away it is too late for anything.

Today I found out that my grandmother, my dads mom died in the hospital. She was a mean spirited woman who couldnt find the good in anyone not even her own son who spent as much time with her in the hospital as he could with her over these past 9 months or so. But even with all that aside  i know she loved us all.

Joyce Stewart was born in jamaica and married an abusive man and had a whole heap of kids, some who were left in jamrock, when she fled to england to live a free and happy life. This is where my father was born and grew up. I suppose this is where he got the manners and good behavior that he passed down to me.

I love my dad and although I wasnt as close to my grandma as i should have,knowing that my dad is in pain hurts me. Knowing that he kind of blames himself for her dying because he was so busy with work latly that he took a week off from his schedual of seeing her. My dad has done more for mothers than anyone i know, and I am proud of him.

 

The fact is that my brother and I believe that we are to blame for her death, Yesterday we didnt feel like going to work because there was a good old friend that came over and wanted to hang out . we agreed and called in sick using the excuse that there was a death in the family. The self fullfilling phropocy came true less than a day after we uttered that horrendous lie.

Im not in the best of moods and probably wont be updaing for a little bit but to whoever is listening up there, I am sorry, and i love you grandma

I am an unavoidable hobo

Turns out that no matter what I do or how much i wanna work, im simply not allowed. Turns out the latest case of fuckery is regarding an incident last week where i went home early since my arm was hurting. I took a day off and then the next day I was sent home because they stated that i couldnt perform my duties. Then after that today i was told that i couldnt come back without a docktors note so im pretty much am gonna milk this bad boy for the rest of the week.

Being akward is a little sexy

So in an earlier post, what seems like years ago, I stated that I hated to use the phone and if you called me, I probably wouldnt return the favor simply because I hate the akwardness that ensues when I have to sit in the same room as my grandmother with her less than a foot away from me. She has this habit of breathing on the back of my neck and also pretending not to listen even though in her mind she prolly knows the caller better than I do.

This dramactic unease is multipied when  the phone call happens to be from the girlfriend. Nimo incase anyone of you all suck ass and dont keep up to date, and yes its pronouced as the fish.

 

it really sucks when your trying to have a private conversation about how you miss the other blah blah barf or God forbid trying to put on your sexy voice for jokes when the nana is sitting so ciose she can basically transcribe a copy of what your saying for future reference. I almost feel compelled to pay her for such a good job she is doing keeping tabs, but i know this is just a summer job till she gets that spot on the C.I.A. .. cheating pirate hooker.

 

This is a long way of saying : fuck i need a damn phone of my own. One that i can love and pet and squeeze and kiss. So Imma get on that soon. Its on the list right next to the Mac

Reintroduction

Well, there’s not much to say about me, really. I’m just an old-fashioned Southern boy from New Orleans Toronto, raised to respect his elders and open doors for ladies. How I got to where I am today, I have no fucking idea. I was also taught not to curse, and to apologize if you do. I’m sorry for the cussin'. You kids don't use me as an example.

I like to think of this website as an all night diner, or an after hours café, except without the food or the drinks. I’m here 24 hours a day, waiting for you to drop by and say “howdy,” or hang out and listen to some music or watch some video clips. Or dance. We’ve just installed a huge dance floor, so please, take advantage of it.

And if nudity offends you, I’d advise you to go somewhere else. I mean, we don’t have any actual nudity here, but I just don’t appreciate that uptight attitude.

Anyway, feel free to come on in and make yourself comfortable, but please, no rough-housing. And check out the "Latest News" page to ensure that you're up to date, because if you're not up to date you're... you know, un-up to date.

Thanks for stopping by,
Vance Cam

 

p.s Yah i totally stole this but i thought it was a good way to express my usually sarcastic dry humor, 10 bucks and a bagel for all who can find out who this was stolen by, he has a famous lesbian sister

Im a hard working candy, I got TWO jobs

Formally the hard working mint with only one job: superhero.

 

I have been given the rare chance to do something with my life and for once i am taking it. I have looked into the future and have seen myself on my own, living happy . But in order for that to happene I gotta step up my game and stop being a little girl.

I find out in about a week if i got he job or not which is gonna suck because im not a good wait...person. i would be happy if i had work now, GIVE ME WORK now or i will rape babies in the mouth.

The day started like any other

The time is 10 35 in the morning and I have already been up for two and a half hours. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH ME?? I found out an interesting fact. The birds start chirping at 4 52am which really sucks because I figure they need a chance to sleep like the rest of us. Oh well, I guess they are whores for the worms, they need them in their mouths.

Its 10 37 now and im getting ready to call my work and tell them I want another job, Im a glutton for punishment I assume. I don't like working at one job but at the same time I want two. Oh JOY, kill me now. The plus side is that everyone agrees that this job is relatively cooler. Working at a beer factory seems good on paper. Nice dollars and free booze. Of course I don't really like beer so its all a moot point.  Gimme my dollars and ill be fine.

the clouds are yelling at me

I  awoke with a start when surprisingly i wasnt on the comfortable ground that i now and love but rather on a very thereputic bed that felt good and moist. Ah thats right i slept over at my friend christina's house after the club. Now where is my passport? Did I leave it in the club? Oh no, where is my shirt. Oh.. its on me, im wearing my shirt, but still what about my passport. Thats gonna suck when im actually thinking. Oh well.

I headed downstairs and got some food, pumpernickel bread and broccolli dip, munching on it i realise that things can look disgusting and sound disgusting and even smell disgusting and sometimes really be mildly edible.

From there i got up and headed upstairs and grabbed my stuff. Turns out my passport is in my pocket, Damn what did I have to drink?

The long walk home was fun, I explored and waited for a bus to come and it never did, so i walked the full hour and saw a nice dog and two robins have sex, thats the strangest thing to witness cuz it looks like they are fighting

Day 3, the trinidad explosion

I woke and asked my mom to do my hair. As both I,Nemo, my mom and everyone else had noticed, I was basically becoming an amalgam of dreads and knots. Unsexy to the highest degree. She reluctantly agreed and the carnage began, there was so much ripping and tearing and screaming. It was really a wonder that I wasn't bald in the end of it all. After the onslaught was completed, we all decided a fun game of 21 was in order. I started off with five dollars that I borrowed and turned it into 47 dollars . It was a good day.

My mom , me , my bro and sis head out of La Romaine , the ghetto, my home.the place I was most familiar with in all of Trinidad. I love it although alot of things have changed, People that I knew have moved or died and the ones that remain no longer remember the fun we used to have, It is a bitter sweet reunion. But nevertheless, I am home, I think on that and sleep comfortably in the bed that my grandpa died in thinking about ghosts and weddings.

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Today I was feeling good. Woke up and ate some foods that I likes to eat and ruined the English language with my grammarz and the read a bit, after that I chilled and watched a movie and ate disgusting food, It was a great day.

Beginning to hate you all

Today isn't the regular disdain and hate I have for you all, No, today is a bad day, I am in one of those moods where I want to drop kick old ladies and rape babies.

Work was unreal. I worked non stop from three until eleven and the odd thing is that although it was busy, they habitually sent people home at random hours until it was just me and this old guy who does fuck all and gets paid for it. Swear to God, im gonna cut him.

 

other than that, it was fairly decent

Day 2 Trinidad

The second day was filled with explanation and rehabilitation. I got out of my room that was shared with my brother and raff (who we will be mentioned as cocky guy or kidd flash from now on ) and we walked outside to be introduced to courtly , a cousin dressed like al quieda  doing yard work. we spend the day relaxing and playing video games. I love the fact that they bring all men together.

In the night I was introduced to Caughtney, the twin cousin of Courtly though I don't call em twins since they aren't identical. they just fell out of the mom at roughly the same time. Anyways we played a ridiculous game of male machoism where the objective was to beat your knuckles on someone else's fist. I challenged my cousin , "twin a" who was 6'2, looked 40 and had fists double my size. He didn't hit me hard but he hit me in the same place over and over and made my nerves give out but at the last second he gave up. I guess he felt bad, pity is powerful. Then came kid flash. He challenged me in my weakened state like a punk and wasn't going soft. He just destroyed my weak hand till I wanted to cry, but my time finally came and I hit him so hard that his hand hit his other hand and he gave up. I was victorious!! I now own the world.

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Today I did literally fuck all but go to work and worry about how my life is shaping, I feel like im lost and going through the same thing over and over again. I really need something to pull me out of this rut

A chronicle of my life

Hello everyone, Im back from the home land, Trinidad for the most part was alright. I loved parts and others sucked so much balls that it is not even funny. I will continue to write about my journey but for those that dont wnana read a fucking novel, heres a brief synopsis: Someone got married, it was hot, cousins anoyed me, went to the beach, bought some food, came back.

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For those with the love of reading or those that have nthing better to do. I warned you. I will attempt to make it easier, by putting the important things in bold, so you can skim.

 

Day 1

The time was about noon when I woke to find that my dad was at the house. He apperently came over to the house to see us off ( which was strange becaue last time I checked him and m mom were still beefing hard )

But it as cool to see him, what wasnt however was the fact that he had gone into father mode and was on us because of the state of our room, the fact that my bro couldnt find his shoes and just general discomfort in being there I would imagine.

I love my dad greatly, but when he lived with us, I would sometimes feel afraid and now he's more like a friend and less a dad.I was kinda rude to him and i regret that but at the sametime, I am happy that i was able to exprss how iwas feeing insted of keeping it all to myself like I always do. Being with the fish is makin me more outgoing  I think.

Soon after my dad, I received another batch of annoyin news, Belora, one of my moms friends from work decided she was comming to Trinidad with us. Its not tha i cant stand the woman,  I can tolerate her in small doses. Its just that she is so controlling . She acts like shes my mom  and as soon as she came, she was barking orders at everyone. To say thae least I was a little upset whn we all fially got to the air port.So when i saw my GQ cousin and his superficial mommy  standing there already booked in and looking superior i wanted to stab someone. I sat down in a chair whih happened to be located in a chair that happened to be behind an information booth. People kept on assuming that i worked there and asking me questions even though I was a dressed in the bummiest clothing ever. So I did an evil thing and answered an older british lady when she asked me whch direction a specific terminal was that i have never seen. I felt kinda back later but still, its odd that doing the right thing almost always feels better than being the good boy that i strive to be.

Flash forward  to the flight. My bro and I got randomly checked which I found to be awesome. Im fairly convinced that he was only checked because he was in the vacinity of me, im totally a flight risk. Strangely after, when we were boarding, I lost my pass and a few mins after that, I saw that a flight attendant had found it ON the plane. The flight was good enough, the food was solid and it took about six hours. I spent most of the flight listening to music, playing my psp and thinking about Nimo. When we finally landed it was bout 10 30 and my uncle was there to pick us up. the one thing that I will never get enough off in Trinidad is the smells. They have such a sweet smelling country. My cousin did not surprise me when his cocky attitude  came out almost immediately  and the on going joke of the trip was the bet  when he would get hurt or robbed. I bet arms in 3 days or robbed in 5. We were taken to my moms old house where I was greeted with love by cousins that i hadnt known. this was surprising as I wasnt ready for that.

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Ive gone tired of writing so I think that I will give you a day a post. should keep you comming back for more.

Closer to my dreams

There is only two days left until I go to the unimaginable . I honestly think that im ready, I have focused my mind into a blade. A blade that im sure will get destroyed the moment I land. Also the whole making money blogging has proved to be a little more difficult as my last post was denied because of a word out of place. Will keep you posted if anything else happens. stay sharp and foxy

don't be a girlie man

The eye before the storm

Well I got in from work not to long ago and I gotta tell you, that no matter what people say to you. I don't think that money is worth hurting your body. I would much rather be home and broke than working and rich. Any day of the week. Im really hoping that the PPP thing actually works. It will give me more of a reason not to actually go to work more XD.

Only five more days until Trinidad.Im hoping that it becomes exciting but who am I kidding. Im going to be counting the days until I make it back home. Home sweet home.

I signed up for PPP!

Well looks like I, Cameron have finally become a new postie on the site, Payperpost.com. I think that its kinda cool that I can actually be paid to talk about my day, It gives me a chance to talk forever without anyone really being able to tell me to shut up. :D.

I heard about the site when I was thinking of ways to make money that didn't involve me hurting myself or dying in the warehouses. Its definitely a good thing that I can type and make some little cash to pay my bills and get the things I like, cuz come on! who doesn't like a nice way to make cash. all you have to do is go here and get paid to blog

 

My number one goal however is to save up enough money to get myself a laptop. My PC has the tendency to shut down randomly which is kinda getting on my nerves. I want to switch sides and get a macbook. Those babies are powerful, fast and more importantly... mobile. Not to mention the fact that Justin Long told me to get one. He makes all the difference.

Honestly, everyone who reads my blog (probably the one or two) RUN don't walk to your nearest computer and hop onto the website and start making money immediately. Get it? Got it? Good!

get paid to blog

There isn't a person in the world

That can argue. Fresh prince is one of the best shows on television. It is STILL on showing reruns and has been on pretty much every channel.  This is one of my fav scenes

And the race is on...

I have less than a week untill i see this so called family that i got in trinidad and i gotta tell you, Im not looking forward to it. Things have just started to look good in my life and im getting less and less bitchy. The PMS must be wearing off. Hell I "think" I even may have snagged a girlfriend which is both a blessing and a curse. Shes gonna need utter and total therapy in a year or so.

Other than the lack of cash and the trinidad blues, Im actually having fun typing on my journal, I do need posts to steal for this laptop situation but thats behind and gone, I just find it theraputic now. I like letting you all in on my day, without actually having to talk to people face to face. its all shits n giggles.

I really need someone to remind me when mothers day is, because after the last omgosh i hate you how could you forget mothers day im going to spend it drinking in the room saying how much i hate my kids fiasco, I gotta tell you. The expectation bar is set kinda high. Its either gonna be orgasmically good or else pittifully erectile disfunction its ok bad.

later days

The countdown begins

Well Im not at all dreading the trip to Trinidad that is happening in less than a week, but rather...hell who am I kidding. I really don't wanna be going there for more than a week and yet im gonna be stuck with family that I either hate or don’t know for more than a week. The only thing that is  gonna let me survive this is knowing that there is a beach im gonna be able to sleep on and the fact that im gonna be coming home. Who Knows, Maybe ill just get permanently drunk and forget the whole trip.

The one and only true bitch rant

I've been thinking about how I don't drive, and I like to travel. The only way I can actually get anywhere is the buses and the subway. Which is why I have a little problem with the whole strike thing going on. I believe that while I would be left with no place to go, they are completely justified when say that they need a strike.

Which is why im so shocked that they bitched out and said sure ill take my proposal and shove it up my ass.I mean hell if I got punched in the face and pissed on, and then told that my sick day is not covered? hell I would be a little tender on the subject too.   

so looks like im STILL sick

dont know whats wrong with me but i think that i really am dying today, My throat is all scratchy and i feel violently ill. someone please kill me today :D

The vileness is gone

I have finally, FINALLY been able to get rid of the damn vista. After a week of bitching and moaning my computer Veronica, has decided to drop the PMS and let me install regular old windows xp.

Cant seem to think.

Well I finally had it, The bomb went off at work and I got sent home early which was awesome. I wish that it happened earlier in the shift but who's complaining. Also my boss things I have intestinal problems because roughly every 40 mins or so,  I would walk to the bathroom and sit there for 10 mins. Now mind you there was absolutely nothing wrong with my bowels but I just felt like sitting down and playing my psp or messing around with my phone.

LOL AWESOME!!! THANKS FOR GIVVIN ME A DAY OFF :D

so I totally don’t feel like doing anything but laying in the sun

Dudes and dudettes. Im LOVIN the fact that winter seems to finally decided to lean over and blow itself.

The sun who is a cold bitch decided to answer my love letters and come out for another day, she's a cold cold bitch but I love her. The day is filled with me drinking tea and relaxing a bit, listening to the sound track of the chipmunks and wishing I didn’t smile so much when doing the slow jerk to someone. (SEE LAST POST)

I just realized that im disturbed

The fact that I found the following hilarious doesn't really say much for my mental capacity but I don't give a damn. I could laugh at these guys all day. Funny how there is always a bill in accounting.

 

So I have decided to grab a mac

 

Tired of all the compatibility issues. Tired of the random pop ups that tell me very nicely that my computer is retarded. Tired of every inch of gayness that my pc has told me. And especially tired of the random shut downs that my pc has lovingly rewarded me with so im switching to a mac. While this may or may not equal complete fun times I dont really care. Im just gonna be happy when its over. Of course this means im essentially going to have to work full time and bust my ass. oh joy. I hate my life already. :)

Well HI-DE-HO

I know its been a while, you have all been missed. To be perfectly honest I just forgot my password and whated to give kimmy the satisfaction of knowing she had a few more posts that me. YOU GO GIRL.

on a more serious note. it has been noted that china has the worst smog pollution in the world. In a recent interview, the chinese government was quoted as saying " hooray, shows those Americans." and  " who cares, if we destroy a stream, we will build a stream! and if pollution destroys a mountain. we will build a new mountain" I for one think that this attitude is amazing and should be shared by all. that's all for me, lets join Tim with the weather.

 

Cameron has been drawing up a storm and working alot, he's in DIRE need to shop like a mad black woman but he must resist for if he doesn't the world is doomed. Getting passport done today. that should be a joy of all joys. Fantastic

mission success try not to cry dude wtf

Can you hear me now...

WELL im back and im connected. I had the urge to splurge and that sounds really bad but moving on. i bought myself a snazzy phone. I settled on the beyonce phone otherwise known as the upstage. I only got it because its made for music and we all know how much i love music. there's also the added incentive to watch porn on it...if i did such smut.  So far its a pretty cool piece of technology . 2 screens make me feel important

I have just seen God

or as close to him as i have seen. Went to a buddies band and damn they were hella good. I mean sure there were times when other bands suckked ass. like literally went up to a random stranger, made him drop trou, and put their lips on old stink eye. but damn there was so much rock in the room that i thought my hair would start to grow longer and i would summon a guitar out of thin air.

something odd here

well im just sitting here playing my plastic  guitar when my real one is sitting to my right behind a box of frosted flakes i keep in my room for when the depression hits and we run out of food sitting here thinking that its kinda sad that in a game i can be a rock god but in real life i can barely play Mary had a little lamb.  sigh no illusions of grandeur for me

I think i need a new name like ray Charles

well i went to the eye doctor yesterday and was told a few things that i didnt know and a few things i did. well for one  im essentially blind in my left eye. The lady had to pretty much put a magnifying glass in front of my eye to let me see. On top of that my glass eye also has astigmatism and MIGHT have glaucoma, which is totally awesome. As usual my right eye is fine so i think ill survive if they need to cut it out.

 

hooray for blindness. Im totally gonna get some glasses like Cyclops.

The world dont beat, to the beat of just one drum

My life seems like a sketch of old sitcoms and chunks of dave chapple all intertwinned. When its summer i weare a leather jacket and when its winter I wear t-shits. I am a walking oddity but thats the way i like it.

My room is like the odd couple, im neat while my brother is a slob, and my sister is always getting into trouble every episode looking for me to bail her out. Whatchu talking abput willis.

The family is that of family matters with a whole lot of fresh prince tossed in and a dash of ghost busters. we have the wholesome values, the outrageous antics. the crazy dance moves and a little bit of supernatureal crime fighting in between.

im not feeling well at the moment I have a fever and a migrane, how does one get that on a nice day like today, i dont even know, but after waking up after sleeping 8 hours and STILL having the headache i slept to avoid, my brother calmly told me i have a tumor, see the love? ID'S NOT A TUMA

random title here

Well its a monday and i gotta tell you, they suck. Not like your normal i hate mondays cats but like the shitty im gonna kill everyone around you mondays. I almost got hit by a car because this guy didnt feel like waiting a feel like waiting a full five seconds to walk across the street. Some how I hope that he wraps around a tree...but you know some how survives.

 

other than that today was actually fairly decent, someone randomly complimented me at the store. it was the nice change of pace from the usual i hate you why do you look like a rapist look that i usually get haha.

Don't Question it: Just enjoy

I woke up in a surprisingly great mood. Everything seems to be going my way, even the sky is nice. started the day talking to kimmy which has pretty much become the norm for me this year. for any of you losers who actually dont know her, you should crawl from theh hole you live in, stop failing in life and check her out cuz dang shes amazing.

this journal is an ode to you kim, its also partly lyrics from songs that ive been listening to this morning since they popped up on my media player. You tell mem that im suetimes moody and i tell you to shut up. im really surprised that you dont get fed up,I guess uts cuz you know the right side of me, the side not many see, you know exactly who i can be. i guess that why when we talk i get so happy. You know the right side of me.

 

I guess this is my Cammy way of saying that i appreciate you and am happy to have such a great person in my life, you know... without actually telling you to your face haha.

Take it to the floor cuz you got served

I do love how most my my titles have nothing to do with the actual post but hey what you gonna do. Im not exactly typical. Im just cam.

 

There are a few things on my mind in this little rant today, forcibly written out because kim my dear, is making me haha. Im gonna talk about my art first. I am really going through alot thinking about it latly, Im looking at people ahead of me that should have been behind wondering if i should even be in the business but i know that this is all i ever want to do and its all i am good at so I dont really care about the destination so long as I have fun on the journey.

Secondly, I am writing this to be perfectly honest to everyone. I am the typical lovable character. I can turn on the charm and mix in with everyone, I can be the jokester that makes you laugh and lightens the mood when there is major tension. But im also just Cam, sometimes I dont want to be laid back and relaxed sometimes i want to bitch and moan and swear like everyone else.

I really do doubt if there are much people who can say they know all of me, good and bad. Kim you are one of them, some weird thing inside the both of us makes it so that i feel comfortable with you. maybe thats how it is with everyone born on feb 10th orrr maybe not. Either way, im glad i stalked you online and eventually got your msn and have the pleasure of stalking you 24 hours a day. lol i was gonna say something sappy like you complete me from jerry maguire. but then i thought of Tom Cruise, screaming show me the money and I laughed out loud. MOMENT LOST haha 

The week after I fell off the face of the earth

Well now that I am 22 i tend to see things in a different light, Its constantly snowing and it isnt helping my motivation to get what little spare change i can get out of my job. I skipped it agqain. sure i had a migraine but it was one of those that i knew would pass, I could feel it. oh well.

I have been having chats with this person and that, about my future. Even a fortune cookie i got from mandarin told me a little bit about my life and the life of my family that was very true. But i am having trouble figuring out how i want tospend the following year. I dont thnk my abilities are enough to keep me happy in shrdan but at the same time if i spemd the next year getting better and working or whatever im also thinking as though im letting everyone down who believed  in me. Im so confused at the moment.

 

I have also started a new no beef diet, It was originally no meat diet but that proved far to dificult as canerib us a carnivore,  then it was no fried foods, but that was ended quickly when i accidently ate a bag of chicps then realised. So im starting things off gradually, my goal is to have no meat at all for a month. I did it once so i know it is possible.

Disgusting way to be alive

I was sitting down thinking that we celebrate the anniversary of us tearing through the wombs of our mothers and getting slapped on the ass by a old doc. How sick is that.

That being said, I have celebrated it 22 times and while this is no 21. ( I walked in on a family birthday party that had been ongoing for hours before I was invited...and they ate half my birthday cake.) this day started off surprisingly well.. and I got to find out who my friends are.

Apparently I was suppose to have this mega shindig where 50+ were suppose to show up but that would have been quite insane, instead 5 showed at the club, 2 guys and 3 girls, and to be perfectly honest. I had a great time with the smaller group.

I also found out that I am a lightweight or something when I get drunk. I mean I handled all the shots and everything people kept getting me, but somehow by the end of the night. I had figured that the club was shooting flames onto everyone and the only way to stay alive was to take off your shirt... so that's what I did... I didnt wanna get killed on my birthday.

 

As for the remainder of my birthday. I am hoping to have a nice quiet dinner at mandarin with my MOM, DAD, and the rest of the fam, the reason why this is a big deal is that my mom and dad haven't been able to talk on the phone for years but my mom suddenly wants to fix things. Im gonna guess my dad gets a fork in the eye and mom catches a dropkick.ah memories :)

I wanna engage you ..

I wanna engage you by putting a solitaire diamond on your mind and marrying your every thought.

I was bitching how the "nice guy " usually gets the shaft when I stumbled upon Gemineye, an amazing poet who isn't talking about sex, blunts, or 40's but rather everything else that is beyond the pure instant gratification. Something about his words hit me because they are the things that I would like to say .. just that I don't have the capacity to say them the way he does.

Buried under the snow

Someone needs to find my motivation and confidence, I think I dropped it somewhere,, maybe when I was walking home. Something inside me keeps reverting back to the bitchy mean Cameron that likes to berate and otherwise humiliate someone using wise witted remarks bent on destroying all those around me.

there is so much that I hate in this world and one of them happen to be all the girls who bitch about the fact that there are no good men left in the world when they are sitting in relationships with guys that are woman beaters or have been in jail with 12 babies mommas. I love the fact that as a generally decent man I seem to have developed the superhuman ability of invisibility when it comes to relationships. It would seem apparent that nice guys do indeed finish last in this  society.

I also hate the people who activly try to proove that my life is missing that little bit of substance simply because i dont drive a car. I actually enjoy slowing life down and  viewing people in such finite slices of thier days. I enjoy meeting new people and listening to thier stories unless of couse im not in the mood to speak with the drunk and the disorderly. so for heaven's sake. get the hell away from me you gassoline guzzerling, death cab pushing assholes and stop trying to make me the but of your jokes by saying things like "oh well your sister who is SIXTEEN by the way  is studyin for her g1. wont it bee so funny if she gets it before you?" fuck off

Peoples misconceptions are often commical in the fact that i cant always shrugg hem off, In fact looking at my face would show you the look of a dignified, intelligent , passionate young black man who is often misconstrued to fit into one of three catagories: A man who does weed, a man who sells weed or lastly an ignorent bum. To be honest i can see why people would assume the first to seeing as my eyes arnt as white as yours or the fact that because i have neeeded glasses all my life causes me to be sensitive to light and i am unable to open them for long periods of time without getting fatigued or a headache but the funny thing is that i have never even once tried the herb remembering the pride I felt as i made it out of highschool a drug free, childless graduate. But to be called a bum simply because of the cloths that i wear? now that is truely insane for i do believe that a man is judged on the color of his character much more than the color of his sean john.

I even did an experiment when i was down town with my dad. I wore my normal attire, not bummy but nowhere near fresh and walked into a rather upscale store which i wont name and the first thing the guy who was greeting everyone said to me was we dont except credit cards or cheques, although one quick glance told me from the sign that they did indeed accept credit cards. I guess just MY credit was void. My dad taught me something that day that it didnt matter what you had to say if noone could get past the initial image to let you say it. I went in 2 days later wearing a suit and acted like i belonged there and wasnt at all surprised to see that the same rude ass greeter showed me around, helped me choose which cloths suited my style and was all too helpful to bend down and kiss my ass. When i had gotten to the cashier I was pleased to see that the manager was there and i proceeded to explain to him my dissatifaction of the service from the greeter some lies some not, and payed for my things and left with a smile on my face.

 

Long story short, i am in a very bitter mood and everything seems to be botherin me, Please dont read the large ass paragraph. as it essentially contains more bitching.

You call it writer's block but you stop 'cause the vine is empty

 

Hip hop's not dead, its really the mind of the emcee. I woke up at 9 and ran out the door in a fluster. huff huff, my breath was ragged as I traversed the harsh world as the snow pelted on my back. My destination? Sheridan collage in Oakville.

It would seem as though I wasnt destined to make it to oakville as every five steps I would get the sudden urge to turn around and go home. Pehapse it was the numbing cold, or the fact that i had the feeling I had forgotten something, but for one reason or another I kept thinking i should go back but nevertheless I got on the bus, payed my fare and snuggled in ready for a long ride to South common mall and from there sheridan collage.

The trip was dull. I entertained myself with scenes from superbad, the hillariously akward movie. Still chuckling to myself as the movie came to a close the driver yelled to get off and at once i was hurled back into the harsh unknown, left to battle the elements.  Would i survive? the snow now atleast five centmeters high and the temperatire getting lower by the minute I saw it, the bus i needed. When it pulled up in front of me I smiled and hopped on. I received a warm greeting from her and was told that sheridan collage was closed..... DENIED

Dead tired..

Why do I have such stupid ideas?  Can anyone tell me the answer to that question?. I decided it would be a good idea to work over time today, so that means I would start work at three in the afternoon and end up working until three- thirty in the morning. My body is just about to drop kick me in the sack and I cant blame him. He's  a growing boy and needs his rest... Ok no he doesn't , but he doesn't need to spend his time busting his ass saving the world for 11 dollars   a hour when he could be sleeping...or gaming... or drawing. ten bucks for anyone who catches any references in my posts. though I haven't actually watched the show.

 

...damn my body hurts me so.

Not sure if I should be worried...

But I have been staying home everyday for like almost a week and im thinking that I should be worried that im about to get the boot. doubtful cuz im super loveable but still you know,Cammy doesn't really like to be broke.

Get your head in the game

Well  this is either a  very awesome moment in history or else its the worst day in exxistance,   I called my work today and told them that i have school  monday and fridays and tat i could only come in on tuesday, wed, and thursday.  This was in  part because i wanted to have a longer weekend but also because i wanted to work on a few pieces of my portfolio  that were givin me trouble.

Im  focused today and what to work but i also have a few things on my mind, Oh well, so long as i finish up my hands today , im golden.

 

Next agennda, the brother is really gettin on my nerves.   i find myself moved to strangle him in his sleep. I should prolly get that checked out before something bad happens. 

Untill tomorrow, same cam time,  same cam  channel

I am quickly going crazy

Well i wake up today, and thats always a blessing. But what i didn't care for   was the lady who is almost as old as  jesus  bangin on   my door and yelling that the  garbage needs to me taken out...in the 20  feet of  snow, plus when im done doing that jolly job im sure that   I will have to  do something about the snow  as well.

I say  I  am  sure about this because all though it wasnt said specifically to me, when someone is looking for  chores to be done , the task  inevitably   falls upon my shoulders to compleate  the task at hand because my brother for all intents and purposes is a jackass and or,  a dipshit, more than me,  if that could really happen.   He will look  you in the eye and say    "yah mom, ill get right on it" with that  sarcastic   tone which is wired  into his talk hole, and then as soon as the door closes; he's all like "  I  aint doing shit" in a whisper and goes back to watchin porn on his laptop or whatever the hell he is doing. HOW DO THEY FALL  FOR IT EVERY  TIME.

So by now you can tell that im in a semi cranky mood which isnt going to go away by the time  this post is compleate not to menntion that im still stressing the sheridan portfolio. But that is another matter in and of   its self. Also ive started to see ghosts again, I THOUGHT that it   stopped with my old apartment but apperently not, my little sister also has started to see things for the first time which is fun  to watch, when im in a bored mood  its good to watch her freak out to herself not telling anyone whats going on as she thinks shes the only one that this happens to. Doesnt matter if  you believe or not, doesnt make it any less true.  

hmm what else to bitch about today?  Oh ok, yah the eating healthier thing isnt working at the moment.  Just last night i got popeyes and ate four peices of chicken, plate of spicy friess, those damn good biscuts and  2  600mL of pop. mountain dew and docter  pepper.  looks lie imgonna have to work out today or just say screw it to the whole damn  thing lol.

Cam doesnt feel so good

well i found out that life is sometimes really REALLY gay. I was going to school today and i got to islington subway ready to go downtown when i decided to take out twenty dollars for the day. When i tried to take out the money i was denied even though i knew that it was in there. so i then proceeded to go into the bank and ask the teller what was going on. He pretty much gave me the look which told me something was wrong. The "negro you have no money" look  which pretty much told me i shouldnt really be in the mall at this time. Apperently there was a card taken out on my name and it was overdrawn which sucks and my money was on hold till it could be sorted out. Well now, im stuck in the crossroads with "no money"  and time running out before i would litterally be stranded in toronto. I decided to make a break for it and head back home on my already expiring bus transfer.

 

that isnt where this day goes to shit though. When i finally made it home adter the ordeal  that sucked major horse nuts. I turned on my computer and realised that it asnt starting up. Infact  it wasnt even loading up past the windows screen, so i spent a total of 11 hours working on it value by value, megabyte by megabyte till i figured out the problem. Exhausting to say the least.

Realization

I recently sat down and had a long conversation with my self figuring what I would do, if I couldn't do what I love which is being an animator. To be perfectly honest I don't think there is anything else in the world that I would be happy with. There is nothing that I can think of that I like to do for a career choice than drawing. I have to make a lot of sacrifices but I definitely have to prepare myself for the unimaginable, just in case my skills aren't good enough this year.

In a field of clovers

So sunday that just past, meaning yesterday . I had thef fortune to go hang out with my nerdy buddies from high school and we went out to see cloverfield. For all intents and purposes, i felt that it was a fairly decent movie, I mean basically it shows you the troubles of a bunch of new yorkers getting screwwed over by some giant monster dude, I wont give anything away but I can tell you this that you will get a headache or possibly throw up as the movie is shot with a hand held camera and there is alot of running.

speaking of running, IM running out of time. theres alot of things that need to be done in my life and i am just getting a hold of them. Surprisingly enough I find myself thinking about someone more and more and maybe im feeling something for someone i shouldnt which tottally isnt cool.
haha meh, a little self denial and its all gravy.

until next time,
later days

Its GO time

well it looks like the time to buckle down and draw like my ass fell off has come. I have 44 days and counting to bust out the greatest portfolio in the world and i know i can do it. I just have to avoid distractions and focus.This is not good news for the worlds oldest procrastinator. Any help or motivators could really help me, so peeps get on it.

just another waste of time

dont really know why im so bummed but i just feel like im going around in a circles and im doing the same thing over and over again. But either way , this made me smile

Going to hell with icecreme shoes

This blog is two fold one to show you how awesome of a person i am and secondly to show you how horrible of a person i am. lets start out with the awesome.
Well as we all know im cool and i have a twin whos name is kim ..kim...cam ...kam whoa ok that just popped into my head, but anyways moving on. I sort of lost my train of thought, but what does it mean when your pretty much constantly thinking about someone, especially when that someone probably isnt thinking about you back. wow i think i had a serious thought for a minute so without further ado, lets show off how horrible of a person i am by showin a video and telliung you that i laugh so hard every time i hear her scream.... horray for burning . that is all, carry on
Um I think that hurt just a tad

Only when the drugs are gone, i feel like dying

thats right ladies and gents, I am dying. theres no ifs ands or buts. Ive been sick for a few days and this is it, im letting the sickness win. The time is 6:10 in the morning and i actually allowed myself to be beaten into submission and made to go to bed at 8:01pm. Isn't that fucking sad, especially when I am known for not sleeping for five days at a time, or sleeping every day for two or three hours and being fine.

So. I ask you eveyone out there in readerland, please help me, join your hands and give me the secrets needed to defeat this frosty bitch. I refuse to be sick any longer than thursday and if i am i will hold you responsible kimmy, trust me, if I am sick, you will be sick. With that being said- lets get it on! no more sickness!

The monkey with the dark eyes

Well todays is a curious day as I dont know how i should feel. Yesterday was the best of times and the worse as I saw my grandma in the hospital and wow she was changed. She was once this old, strong, bitter lady in a wheel chair that once said I looked like a girl was now transformed into this frail crumpled looking bitter woman who couldnt talk and had tubes going down her throat to keep her lung enflated, but still was an asshole with her eyes. God I love her, haha.

Work was also an eventful one, as I found out I could potentally die all throughout the shift as a box of unshelled bullets came jumping down the chute and bouncing around to the floor. One unplanned jolt or maybe even a flame and this carton of death could explode and destroy me, and that wouldnt be cool cuz then i wouldnt be able to write this lovely blog.
Ok lets see, I've talked about death, sadness and fear...of being shot by 400 bullets, so i think i have to end with something fun or happy and that is I hate you kim cuz i dont remember what mean thing i had to say about you.. im sure its the KFC. But I guess it could be said that i had a fun time drawing naked peoples...hmmm definnatly this post fails..hard.

OHHH! Wait i remember what the happy thing was, I was feelin particularly gangster today because I didnt find any socks that were clean so i went to my sisters room and found white ones that i didnt choose , black ones that i didnt choose, but BAM! I picked out these white ones with pink, yellow and blue rings around my ankle with a weirdest looking monkey face on the front. I rocked it on the bus and when people looked at me. I was like " yah, thats right! monkey! brap brap... that is all.
till next time
-later days

Motivation

Up until a few mins ago I hadn't really had anything to post on this blog but then I went on kims page and read it and smiled, and laughed and was in awe that she was so open about herself, so honest about all her flaws and things that make her interesting.

Later while having a conversation with her haha i pretended to have no idea about her blog and let her show it to me again, and once again I smiled , laughed and was in awe. I am attempting to be honest with myself just a little and intimate with you all by letting you in on a little bit what makes me, me.

Im far to negative for my own good but i put up a brave front to the point were i almost believe its true and i constantly second guess myself even if im sure im making the right decisions. I do things to others that i think is funny but if they did it to me i would probably swear my ass off or start a fight. In relationships i often find myself not calling you back not because i was busy but because im doing something more fun,I definatly have to work on that but im not a big phone person...unless my cell phone is working otherwise im stuck sitting in my grandmothers room as she breaths her hot breath on the back of my neck anxiously listening to a conversation with a potential carrier of her new grandson or daughter... oh god, aqkward moments ensue.

Im fairly judgemental on other peoples opinions and hold the opinions of people around me to a high regard though i would never have tell you. This year I am going to try to work on that especially expressing my emotions better,* emotions, yah right. thats gay. * But im not an all around jerk. Hell I can even be occationally nice but i expect the same in return or else wow, haha im a bitch. A bitch who will be a bitch long after your dead.

sarcasm is my greatest weapon, most people dont get it which i find hillarious. It can be a yes when i really want to say no. its your friend, its your lover its your dad its your mom. Sarcasm is everything and nothing. It simply has the power to remove me from the asshole that noone likes. Sarcasm makes me look a whole lot better and its not a lie in the slighest.
-Sincerly yours, a secretly horrible person lol